on relationships: how the past is often the present

I hear too many sob stories about dating. I feel it has become necesary to step back and say the painfully and akwardly truthful things in regards to this dilemma. Prepare to possibly be semi-offended:


I have a friend who is in some odd gray area with a guy. He's cool and all- funny, generous, interesting. He's also dated TOTAL psychos. TOTAL psychos. (can't reiterate it enough.) My friend thinks he's had it rough, that he is worth the wait- that he will appreciate a sane girl when he dates one. I think he's perpetually drawn to psycho girls and he will be until he is single for a substantial ammount of time and has learned from being single that psycho is the wrong road to take. He isn't going to learn by being with a wonderfully sane woman who is beautiful and generous and kind hearted. He is going to learn by being alone, being happy with himself and one day saying: "hey, life is SO much easier without a girl who is psycho." 


Funny thing, I can't see it that way when I am in her position. Yes I too have thought: "wow, he's had it so hard in past relationships- he deserves a sweet girl. He has such a good heart and so many great qualities, I trust him so much and I know he will only appreciate me that much more after he sees how much better relationships are when the girl isn't a crazy raving bitch (pardon the language)." False. false, false, false, false FALSE.  


The thing is, relationships cannot be based around people's potential. You're not dating their potential. I think we tend to overlook the massive red flags that come up because people have "great hearts" and we "want to fix it". We never can fix those things- we just get broken in the process. 


Furthermore- I think everyone should be single for atleast a year. SINGLE. No flings, no crushes, no sort of datings. Single. Find yourself. Date yourself. Take yourself out to dinner. Go to a movie with yourself. Talk to yourself about important issues. And more importantly, do all of these things with God. I can think about all of the HUGE issues I sorted out in myself when I was single. I never sorted a single huge issue out through dating. 


Let's just be honest and realize that people's pasts- while they may be in the past I fully believe people can change- more often than not reflect the present. If she has gone from guy to guy to guy to guy she will likely go through you unless she has had a clean track record for ATLEAST a year. If he has only dated crazies who he blames for everything (or doesn't blame at all- yikes) he will likely not be happy with a normal and not manipulative girl. 


More over, God loves us. Let's be single and spend time with him. Relationships are SO much effort especially if you're wasting it on someone whose in a horrible state to handle them.